mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
