I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
