New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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