I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
