Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
