Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
I think i got beer on your cat.
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