He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Randomize
