The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
