I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
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