I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
