My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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