4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize