he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Randomize