i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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