i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Can I color on your dick again?
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
