I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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