hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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