On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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