great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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