Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Randomize