Where did you get a picture of my penis
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
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