you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Randomize