Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
The struggles of a small town man whore
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize
