No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
