So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
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