New invention idea: vibrating tampons
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
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