I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Houston, we have a squirter
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Randomize
