Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
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