i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
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