Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Randomize
