Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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