last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Randomize
