After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
