my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Randomize
