fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Randomize
