I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize