im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
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