lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
someone owes me an orgasm
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
