I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
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