In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I can feel your judgement through the phone
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Randomize
