what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Randomize
