i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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