Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
dude. I can hear the air.
He has the fingertips of a God
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
