and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
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