I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
