how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
