Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
