Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Randomize
