You can't motorboat a personality
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
