and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
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