big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize
