Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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