She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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