nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize