I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
After last night, I could never be a politician.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
