real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
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