do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Randomize
