so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
The best revenge is premature balding
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
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