you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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