I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Randomize
