id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
I came so hard my ears popped.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Randomize
