is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize