Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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