you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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