I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
