i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
