We're facebook friends in real life
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
