My Higher Power is John Stamos
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize