How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Randomize
