My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Randomize
