You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
